Physically yes you can see that in the pic but the transformation has been more emotionally and spiritually than physically . On both of these pics I’m probably the happiest I have ever been 1st pic was a couple of weeks after Lennon was born and I was so content in my little love bubble and proud of my mum curves. Second pic was a little family break away recently after lock down and I was well rested happy in the present and hopeful for the future ….and I still am!
Let’s talk about somewhere in the middle, about 6 weeks before second pic was taken, I finished my breast feeding journey, a little dark cloud began to loom over me. When I was Breastfeeding Lennon I was having moments of pure joy because our feeding journey was so easy (not the case with my other two but that’s another blog) the joy during breast feeding is enhanced by the hormone and neuro transmitter (bodies chemical messengers) oxytocin. Breastfeeding stimulates the release of oxytocin from your brain. It helps to create breast milk from, and it causes the uterus to shrink down after birth. It is also described as the “love drug” as it enhances nurturing, and a strong emotional bond between mummy and child. According to medical news today https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/275795 One review of research into oxytocin states that the hormone’s impact on “pro-social behaviors” and emotional responses contributes to relaxation, trust, and psychological stability. Further more Brain oxytocin also appears to reduce stress responses, including anxiety.
When lock down began I was definitely demonstrating all the above behaviors supported by my oxytocin fix! Like I mentioned before half way through lock down Lennon naturally wanted the boob less and was eating a lot more so I started to introduce a bottle of oat milk and he loved it so our transition was easy…….well apart from me really missing it and feeling sad our journey had come to an end! Following on from this feeling of sadness I also started to become more anxious nothing major but definitely out of character for me but we were in the middle of a pandemic so I blamed that, however then I stared to feel a little dark and have thoughts and feelings I have not felt for a long time, questioning myself, why was I here, was I good enough you know the very self limiting thought processes! That are hard to break free off. Then like I was hit by a bus just when I was trying to get hold of my thoughts and emotions my first period arrived and well I was completely knocked for 6, 1 day I was completely out of action but because my flow was so heavy (something I’m sure all us goddesses have experienced) but I listened and rested as much as I could and definetley did no strenuous exercise, just gentle yoga to ease the pain and help to balance my hormones because it was at this time I realized my hormones really were effecting my thought processes and then I began to wonder about the oxytocin effect was I in withdrawal?
I think I was, everything was easier when I was in my oxytocin bubble so I began to think well then I will just have to make my own so I did And low and behold guess what makes oxytocin….. yoga and meditation of course, and although I was doing lots of yoga my mediation practise was slipping because “I was too busy” and that’s the first self limiting belief that has to go, you always have time you just have to make it for yourself, so I started meditating daily some morning getting up at 5am even falling back to sleep after but I was making a commitment to my self and it was working. In addition I also cut out alcohol because that was making me anxious even a glass and coffee then had to go because I knew I wasn’t myself so I had to take the stimulants away (blog on stimulants coming soon)or I wouldn’t be able to connect with me so I could continue moving forward!
Moving forward to the present day I am pleased to say I am happy and healthy and grateful being conscious of my change in hormones, because well if I wasn’t I could of easily spiralled in another direction, hormones really can take hold of you and thankfully I had my amazing husband to talk through my feelings and help me rationalise, so please if any of the above resonates with you talk to someone and then please give time for you to yoga, meditate, walk in nature, hug, kiss, learn a new skill, get a massage all have been proved to create oxytocin to help you get happier. I am grateful for this transformation and all the in between because you can’t be happy all the time, we have to know the light and dark to embrace our light and our shadow .
It’s ok not to be ok but know brighter days are coming,
“Just when the catapillar though it’s world was over it began to FLY”
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